


steady, steady

by elmsinthunder



Category: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Mental Health Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-12
Updated: 2017-04-12
Packaged: 2018-10-17 21:26:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 815
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10602552
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elmsinthunder/pseuds/elmsinthunder
Summary: they're trying. it's just not working.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [theatergay](https://archiveofourown.org/users/theatergay/gifts).



> friendly reminder that everyone experiences dissociation differently and I can only write to what I know! anyway please enjoy my beautiful problematic boys being beautiful and problematic

It’s pitch black when Dennis suddenly wakes up. It could be 2am or 5am. It doesn’t matter. The benefit of knowing the time isn’t worth the effort of turning over to check the clock beside the bed. He wants to die. He falls back asleep. 

It must have been relatively early, the first time it happened, because the pattern continues all night. Every time he wakes up, the running commentary in the back of his mind picks up right where it left off and at this point it isn’t so much upsetting as it is fucking annoying. _Die. Die. Die. Die. _He knows he’s supposed to be ignoring it, but after a certain point it’s too exhausting to keep actively blocking it out. He’s tired and irritated and on edge. He lets himself go.__

____

____

——

The next morning Mac wakes up with the usual hangover. Like he always does, he starts his day by cracking open a beer for himself and pouring a cup of coffee with whiskey for Dennis. When they’re drinking together this early, somehow it doesn’t feel like a problem. It hasn’t always been like this; there was a time that they were almost normal. But Dennis doesn’t eat cereal anymore ( _empty calories _, he calls it) and Mac rarely has much of an appetite either, so it doesn’t seem worth it disguise their alcoholism as "breakfast."__

____

____

It’s a little unusual for Dennis to not be up by now, so Mac tries his bedroom door. It’s unlocked, meaning that no “guests” have stayed over, so Mac walks in. He finds Dennis sitting on the edge of the bed, fully dressed, and their eyes lock. 

“Hey dude, what’s the holdup? Everyone’s already at Paddy’s.”

Dennis has no response except to lower his gaze.

“Come on, are you really that hungover or what?”

Again, nothing, so Mac switches gears. He’s seen Dennis dissociate almost as long as they’ve known each other, but it’s only been since they moved in together that he’s been reading up on the subject, looking for anything he can do to help. His job, after all, is to keep his friends safe, which includes protecting them from themselves. He moves to kneel in front of Dennis and takes both of his hands in his own, holding them just tightly enough that his friend squeezes back in acknowledgement. That squeeze tells Mac everything that he needs to know, that Dennis is fighting, that he’s suffering, that it _hurts _.__

____

____

“Hey, Dennis, can you look at me?” Nothing. “Alright buddy, don’t worry about it. You’re okay.”

Mac gives him a little pull and Dennis willingly slides down to sit on the floor beside him, with Mac’s arm around his shoulders. He places Dennis’s left hand against his chest and covers it with his own so that he’s forced to feel his own heartbeat. He starts counting by twos, softly. When he gets to 84, Dennis begins nodding along and he knows that it’s working, but he doesn’t stop until he gets to 200. 

“Hey man, do you know where you are?” 

It takes too long to for Dennis to respond and when he does, his voice is low and distant, but at least he’s talking.

“Yeah, I’m fucking dying.”

“No, tell me where you physically are.”

“The apartment?”

“Yep. Let’s go walk around so you know it’s real.” 

Mac begins to disentangle himself to get up, but is stopped when Dennis suddenly reaches out to touch his face. Stunned, he sits in silence while Dennis’s fingers gently run across his forehead, down the side of his face, through his hair, over and over again. 

“Yeah Den, I’m real, too.”

And then Dennis does something extremely unusual; he leans over and wraps his arms around Mac, burying his face in his neck. Mac grabs him back, holding him as tightly as he can without hurting him. He whispers, “Two hundred…one hundred ninety-eight…one hundred ninety-six…” and this time Dennis joins him. When they reach zero, Dennis lets go and sits back. He nods once and Mac knows that the worst is over.

“How are you feeling?”

“Just pour me a shot.”

To Mac, this feels like a reasonable request and he heads into the kitchen. As he walks back into the bedroom with a bottle and two shot glasses, Dennis picks his head up and looks directly at him.

“I didn’t recognize you. When you came in earlier.”

“What?” Mac sits down and they drink.

“I don’t know, I was fucked up, I was confused, I couldn’t recognize your face…I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t apologize. None of this is your fault.” They drink again. “Why did you let me in if you weren’t sure it was me?”

“I said I didn’t recognize your face, dumbass, not that I didn’t know it was you. No one else has tattoos _that _stupid.”__

____

____

“Fuck you.” 

They keep drinking.


End file.
